There was an unexpected event today that triggered me to dive in to my unconscious to see what imbalanced energies were manifesting the event.
My friend phoned today to ask if I would be interested in going back to work at her clinic when it reopens next month. I said no, at least not in the next couple of weeks, because I have other stuffs going on. She didn’t seem to hear the word no, because she said, “Okay, next week, when you know your schedule a bit more, let me know.”
I think anyone will know the difference between “a couple of weeks” and “next week”. But when she told me to phone her next week, I just said okay, because I was tired of repeating myself and explaining myself. This is not the first time this communication pattern happened.
Last time when the same thing happened, with a lot more agitation and irritation on my part, it was on September 15. I went back to my notes on that day to see what exactly did I pull, because if I had pulled the imbalanced energies causing the lack of understanding, then I shouldn’t be re-experiencing this event again today.
The imbalanced energies last time were mostly centered around negativity such as fear, fear of aggression and punishment, for saying something “incorrect” (incorrect in the sense that it is not what she wants to hear), frustration at her filtering out what she doesn’t want to hear from me, etc.
The actual physical event last time was her phoning me to ask me to work at her clinic while she went for a surgery that would require a long recovery time. My response was to tell her that I had accepted an offer for a full time job. Then she said, “Oh wait, I am walking to my car right now, it is very noisy here, just give me a minute …” So in the next little while, I heard a lot of noise coming from the other end of phone while she did this and that to get into her car and settle herself down before she could be present for the conversation.
And when she was present, she said, “I need you to come into the clinic for four days a week from … to …” Again, my response was to tell her that I accepted a full-time job offer. Then she asked, “Did you accept the offer?”
For the third time, I said I did.
We talked a little bit more, about what I had been up to lately. Then at the end of the call, she said, “Well, you think about it and let me know next week whether you want to accept the offer or not. No pressure. Okay?”
. . .
Do you see all the instances of disconnection in that conversation? Can you see my seething anger? So at that time my energetic release was primarily focused around these pressurizing energies.
This time however, my conscious release is a bit different (although the outer event is essentially the same):
- She will twist my words to what she wants, believes, agrees with.
- The way we connect is not an authentic connection. Her connection pattern is to be attentive to me on the superficial level, and beyond that, she starts to project an image she has of me inside her head. So while she is interacting with me, she keeps changing what I say.
- I have the imprint of attracting and relating to such people who cannot see me beyond the skin level. Specifically, they have no knowledge of me beyond that level, and don’t know that there are deeper parts of me beyond my skin.
- I have imprint of interacting and connecting to those who project their idea of me, and control me. Control in the sense of interpreting, expecting, and believing that I am the person in their head.
The chemical properties of this group of energies are: I don’t have a sense of self in a relationship. I am someone who follows others, by revolving around their axis. If I try to peel off that orbital path, they will re-attach me back to it so that I continue to revolve around them.
The molecular structure of this group of energies is such that no matter how I struggle to wring myself off that orbital path, I cannot. Because one part of the structure has the prohibitive mechanism to prevent me from setting my own axis. In other words, in that relationship, there can be only one axis. The molecular bond dictates that the relationship bond can have only one axis.
. . .
For any physical reality to occur, there must first be the non-physical ingredients, conventionally known as energies, but to be more precise, there are all formats of information in the energies that are responsible for manufacturing a physical event. Hence in my conscious release of those imbalanced energies inside me, I read the information–they feel like a mini script to me–, the emotions, the theme (those are the chemical properties that dictate the direction and outcome of the event), the structure, etc.