Yesterday I saw an online classmate circulating a pdf file listing information of the new courses in a group chat. I checked and re-checked, perhaps three times, before being absolutely certain that his file contained erroneous information, after which I hesitated for a while before deciding to message him in the group chat, saying: “I’m not sure if I am reading your file correctly or not, but it seems that the information is not what the teacher said …”
I had a lot of imbalanced energies in that simple event, because it wasn’t right for me to be feeling so hesitant, as if I was wrong, as if I had not right to tell others that they were wrong, etc., so I scanned within myself for conscious release of the energies:
If I notice other people’s error and alert them about it, they would turn around and get mad at me, as if I am at fault for their mistake, as if I am launching a personal attack on them, so they must retaliate, with much greater force and aggression, to the extent that I need to swallow their guilt.
Because the incident happens in a hierarchy or an institution, I cannot fight against the tyrannical accusation and aggression, and can only minimize my damage by exiting or avoiding the situation.
There were a lot more related energies entangled to the above to manufacture my hesitation in notifying my classmate of his error. But after I released whatever I could consciously identify, and talked to him, I attracted yet another incident.
He made himself sound like a victim in the group chat, listing out all the things that he had done wrong lately, and how his wife, his boss, his friend, etc., highlighted all his errors, making him feel bad about himself. Then a bunch of group members quickly comforted him, saying he did very well!
So I was watching this group chat, thinking, you made a blatant error, I said it to you very nicely, almost indirectly, and yet you turned yourself into a crybaby in front of everyone, as if you were unjustly accused, as if I was bullying you. Honestly, I was flipping pissed!
This set of imbalanced energies is highly suppressed intense emotions which are waiting for opportunities to come out, hence manufacturing my physical experience:
I am expected to do better than others in order to compensate for my lowliness, and to prove that despite my lowliness that I am on equal par with others. So while others can openly make mistakes and still be commended for doing a good job, such treatment does not apply to me. I am always at the short end of the stick, my words don’t have as much weight as others’, I am not as important as others.
. . .
I don’t know what incidents I will attract and manufacture next, as my unconscious imbalanced energies are constantly awaiting an outlet, whether in the form of repetitive thoughts and emotions, or some other chronic bodily sensations or feelings, or an actual physical event. All these forms of expression are forever waiting for our cognition and acknowledge of their non-physical forms–atoms and molecules–perpetually circulating and vibrating inside our body, awaiting the opportune moment to burst forth into physical reality to become our experience and our life. Once we become consciously aware of these imbalanced energies contained in the atoms and molecules within us, they no longer continue nor repeat their circulation within us, and hence this is a conscious release from our existence not just in this lifetime, but in all lifetimes. Because one of the purposes of human existence is to realize and understand that this is how we manufacture our lives.
