Every time my neighbor Terrance asked me for a ride, he would not give me the address of where he wanted to go, but instead, would tell me to follow him. He would give direction every step of the way.
Then when it was income tax return filing season, he wanted me to help him. I told him to download the tax software and do it himself if he didn’t want to hire an accountant. First he said he didn’t have a laptop, so he needed my help. Then I thought for a long while, before offering to lend him my laptop, but he still said no, he needed me to do it. I asked why. He said he didn’t know how to use the software. Then I asked, “Didn’t you say you had filed tax return before? And didn’t you say that your tax situation was very simplistic?” He said he wasn’t too sure about a few deductions, so he needed me. So I asked him very specifically, “What exactly is the difference between you doing it yourself and me doing it for you?” He said he would sit next to me and tell me what to put in every step of the way.
Oh, micro-management again!
I absolutely hated that working style! I prefer that when someone assigns me to a task, that he gives me the objective, expectations, and details right upfront, then leave me alone to complete it, rather than to sit beside me and watch me every step of the way. I honestly don’t understand why some people prefer–in some cases, they can only operate this way–to work like this.
Yesterday, I encountered a similar situation again, of being given a task. I understood the objective. But I was eating a cinnamon roll at the moment, since she said that it was the best cinnamon roll in town, so I had the roll in my left hand when I said, “Okay.” I would do the task, but I didn’t mean right away, however, she was already hovering over my monitor, so I put down my cinnamon roll, but my left hand was still very sticky from all the sugary frosting, so I only could operate with my right hand.
Under capacity, but still able to function, I was about to breeze through the task, but every few steps along the way, she butted in, wanting to check this and that detail that I entered, so not only the entire process was prolonged, it was also complicated. I was aiming to get it to the point where we would get results, but she wanted to approve every single step of mine. I was getting annoyed, mainly because I only had one hand, so I did not intend to drag out the process.
Then suddenly she had to dash to take care of someone else, so I was left to finish off the process, which then breezed through very quickly. When she came back, she asked how was it. I said it’s done. She said, “I said to wait for me to come back before you submit.”
Did she say that?
Anyway, she wanted me to fill her in on every step that she missed supervising. So I just told her that it was exactly as previously discussed, there’s nothing to be reviewed.
. . .
I honestly don’t understand why I attract this kind of people and this kind of situation. So I scanned within myself, on separate occasions, each time a certain group of imbalanced energies would activate.
Yesterday, one of the many imbalanced energies that I pulled out was:
I have the imprint of working with and being trapped in situations whereby people need to complicate things, to generate issues (when there could be none), then to be entangled in these issues unnecessarily, causing slow progress or even inertia.
Today, as the energies have shifted, I scanned and pulled out another set of imbalanced energies related to this situation, and one of them was:
They want me to do the work for them, but they don’t want to give me full control, so they hang on to full control while getting me to do the work for them, which essentially translates to controlling me every step of the way while they watch me take every step.
Then just now, as I was writing this, I scanned again, and pulled out another layer:
They themselves didn’t want to do the work, although they know how, they just want to use my hands and feet while controlling my brain.
If anything goes wrong, then it is my responsibility to fix the problem.
By controlling me, they make sure they get what they want while also making sure that they don’t get what they don’t want.
This is their pattern of nurturing relationships, by dealing with problems together, so that they can feel the presence of each other, to assuage their loneliness, because if they were to face the problem alone, they would panic.
I don’t know if there are more unconscious layers coming up. But this has been my process of dissolving situations that I don’t want–by consciously releasing the energies within me that are manufacturing them in my physical world.
